Susy’s Story
In a recent message delivered at A10, the effective message ended with “Jesus, let your word be louder than my fear.”
When I got married many years ago, I married a definitive Christian man. I had come from a family who were what I might call “casual Christians”. Parents who sent my brother and me to a Baptist church on Sundays…. while they stayed home and did not attend. In high school years, they would occasionally go to a Presbyterian church.
Susy & Ed in 1976, a
bout a year before he passed.
After being married a few years, I went on a trip to Europe with my husband and some close friends. We ended up meeting another couple on the trip. They were very much strong advocates and believers in the Christian faith. When we returned to the states, we visited them at their home in the Norfolk area. They continued to speak of Christ, and advocating to accept Him into my life. While sitting outside by a barbecue, waiting for the others to come back out, I thought…hmm, why not? So I did ask Him into my life right then. Oh my goodness! There was an immediate wave of peace that came over me (the point where I no longer was bothered by the heat or the flies).
“There was an immediate wave of peace that came over me...”
So that was good. It was nice to feel that peace. However, there was more to come. The following year, my husband (at age 36) contracted Pancreatic Cancer. Eleven months later (considered a positively long time for that disease) he died, leaving me with a precious 4 year old son.
Needless to say, this was quite traumatic. What did I turn to? God? No, I turned to alcohol. Someone once said “the root cause of addiction is trauma - it numbs out and pushes past old wounds”. I drank before that, but not to the extent that I did at this time. I realize that it was a way of “not coping”, a way of avoidance. If I drank enough, I could fall asleep, thus avoiding facing the problem (or so my mind tried to tell me.). I knew I had a problem, but it took someone else to acknowledge it. I was going to a counselor at VA Institute of Pastoral Care. One day when I went to see him for a daytime appointment, I intended to flip a cigarette gently from its pack, but instead I flipped too hard, and a bunch of them flew out of the pack and onto the floor. At this point the counselor said “have you been drinking”? (Remember, it was daytime - not cocktail hour) Then he said, “have you considered AA?” That’s all I needed. I am sooo thankful for that question as I am now 43 years sober! Literally, thank God!
20 years ago, I used to call Eric and Herb “the Twins” because they were so much alike in that they both were - quiet, very observant, and didn’t say much - but when they did, it was always worth hearing!
Fast forward to February of this year, when my second beloved husband decided to commit suicide after having been hospitalized at the first of the year. I truly believe that in his mind, he was doing what was best (at least, best for him).
Did this trauma lead me to start drinking again? NO! I am letting Jesus “speak to me louder than my fear”. That is, even though I’m mad at the rascal for leaving me, and my son, who considered him like a father for the last 30 years.
Instead, I am choosing to be thankful for the 30 good years I had with him. I am trusting that Christ will be with us and will guide us into the future, along with our truly God-given friends for whom I am ever thankful.